The defending champ defends

It’s almost a little embarrassing to admit it, but I absolutely love the hot dog eating championship.  So I woke up today, and first thing I did was turn on the competition.  It’s comical how serious some of these competitors take it.  They come on stage with all kinds of crazy outfits, almost like professional wrestling, it’s hilarious, and a bit silly.  This year, however, they changed the rules and changed the eating time from twelve minutes to ten minutes to help ramp up the drama.  And what do you know, it worked, Kobayashi and Chestnut ended the competition in a tie.  It was intense, and I was glued to the TV.  I don’t know why but this shit fascinates me.  I always wonder how does one get into competitive eating?  Is it a childhood aspiration? What happens afterwards?  Do they take a humongo shit, or do they force themselves to puke it up afterwards?   It’s the mystery of these unsolved questions that draws me to this competition like a moth to a flame.  Well like I was saying the contest came down to a tie between Kobayashi and Chestnut–59 hot dogs apiece.  That’s just amazing, I don’t eat 59 hot dogs in a year.  So all tied up, you know what that means, sudden death, 5 hot dog, dog off.  Kobayashi and Chestnut mano y mano.  Who can eat five hot dogs the quickest?  Well it turns out that it was Chestnut.  He defended his title, kept the belt in America, and he gets to reap all the rewards of this glorious duel.  My only qualm with this whole rigamarole is that the announcers are terrible, and they need to get someone new in there.  Here’s an example of their hamfisted attempt at commentary:

There are few certainties in sports, Tiger Woods will win another Masters, Tom Brady will win another Super Bowl, and Lance Amrstrong will, perhaps, start dating Jennifer Aniston, you know, it could be in the cards.

Uhhhhgg.  Terrible.  They did come up with one great line, however:

They are attacking those hot dogs like Lindsay Lohan attacks a mini-bar!

I almost choked when I heard that from laughing so hard.  Reminds me of the South Park episode where the announcer says “I haven’t seen a Jew run that fast since Poland 1939.”  Well despite some of the clumsiness on the part of the annoucers, this years competition was spectacular.  Congratulations to Joey Chestnut for keeping the mustard belt in the good old USA.

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~ by Perpetual Memory Loss on July 4, 2008.

One Response to “The defending champ defends”

  1. you are right, some of these contestants seems like as they are invited to kiss a girl. common! man it is just an hot dog, you can get it for a dollor.

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